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Social nourishment and staying home – a note on, and to, introverts.

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My best kind of retreat inward. Winter. Fire. Tea. Toasty.

I posted this to my Facebook space on a recent afternoon with a link to a Huffington Post article on the same subject:

“A note on, and to, introverts (from an introvert)…


Put me on a stage and I’ll be a big, wholehearted YES to rocking the mic. (Most of the time). Put me in the middle of a big house/dinner party and I’ll be so quiet you’ll barely even know I’m there.


It seems us introverts are good at speaking to crowds. But mingling in the crowd… not so much.


This ‘contradiction’ used to cause me a lot of stress and should-ing when it came to being in a group of people, especially people I didn’t know:
“I should be more outgoing.”
“I should learn to strike up conversation with anyone.”
“I should be less quiet.”
“I should be more interested.”
“I should make more of an effort to engage.”
“I should feel more at ease in large groups.”


Now, I’m learning to go with my flow. Outgoing and striking up conversation… when I choose to, when there’s real resonance or chemistry or connection. Most definitely less quiet, more interested and engaged, and way way more at ease… in deeper conversation with one or two people in the group.


I can do the group thing. I prefer a smaller, more intimate thing. (Provided my energy cup is full, or close to, on both counts.) I’m not shy. I’m not anti-social. I’m really, really clear on what kind of “social” nourishes me vs. drains me. And I’m a YES to social nourishment all the way.


Be a YES to your kind of social nourishment.”

I’ll add that for me…


Social nourishment isn’t always about distancing or disconnecting from others. Often, it’s about closing the gap and re-connecting with Self.


I feel filled to brimming when I connect. But my craving for connection is two-pronged:
: outward – the desire for deep connection with my most precious peeps.
: inward – the desire for deep connection with myself.

I’m not the only one.

Introverts, take heart and take note…
Your openness to intimate interactions that elevate and satiate and invigorate. The tight knot of resistance to certain big social gatherings that don’t allow for this kind of intimacy. Your tendency to favour depth over breadth, the ease with which you can dive into deep conversation, and the jolts of joy that punctuate your encounters with kindred deep divers. Your unease when engaging in small talk (and the absence of any inclination to master this art). The acute awareness of energy depletion after one too many big, broad, un-easy social situations, and the intensity with which you seek solitude afterward. They’re not eccentricities (but if they are, I like them). And they’re most definitely not flaws that need fixing. They’re signposts that need heeding.


Ease.
Energy.
Resonance.
These are your signposts for social nourishment.


Ease. Energy. Resonance. These are your signposts for social nourishment. Twitter Bird Icon: Neshika\'s Tweetable

When we engage with another, we want to share the fullness of ourselves – full energy, full presence, full heart, full full full connection. That’s how we roll. And it’s why our connection to Self needs to be rock steady. The inward fuels the outward. So we need time, space, silence, stillness to refuel. Reflect. Introspect. Slow the mind. Meander. Stay home to commune with our own quiet company. When we don’t give ourselves this time, we feel depleted, cranky, resentful, less present and way, way off centre.

Value yourself enough to give a shit about what you need. Take care of your relationship with You. Your relationships with everyone else depend on it.

Be a Yes to your kind of social nourishment.

It may mean being a No to current commitments you’ve already said Yes to. (You’re allowed to change your mind.)
It may mean being a No to future dates with depletion.
It may mean being a No when you’re in conversation without chemistry.
It may mean being a No when you’re not feeling the call to connect or collaborate or commune.
It may mean being a No because your whole body says so. Because, with all love and truth, it’s just not your thing. Because you just want to stay home. Because the more you think about it, the more you know you just don’t want to, and you’d really rather it unfolded differently.

A sincere ‘No’ makes way for a real, meaningful ‘Yes’. Twitter Bird Icon: Neshika\'s Tweetable

I’m all in for real, meaningful ‘Yes’s. Please. Thank you. Yes. Absolutely, positively YES YES YES.
Yes to full energy, full presence, full heart, full full full connection. Inward and outward.
Yes to intimate interactions that elevate and satiate and invigorate.
Yes to presence and resonance and chemistry.
Yes to staying home to come back to centre.
Yes to refuelling, reflecting, introspecting.
Yes to depth.
Yes to solitude.
Yes, that’s my kind of social nourishment.

Be a YES to your kind of social nourishment. Twitter Bird Icon: Neshika\'s Tweetable

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