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How to process the pain you choose.

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Photo Credit: Nira Sklair

There are certain kinds of pain that can blindside you. Like, stubbing a toe, a stab in the back, or losing your most precious people.

And then, there’s the pain you choose. The ultimately liberating kind that can feel completely crippling while it’s happening.

I’m talking about the pain of walking away.

Walking away from the things that don’t nourish you, your body or your business — sugar, smokes, social media, self-sabotaging habits like the snooze button syndrome, skipping yoga or saying yes to a collaboration that honestly doesn’t light you up, haters, beaters, bullies, discouragers, oppressors and non-supporters, the toxic friendship, the sweet-sounding deal that tastes a little sour to your soul (and your gut), the guru who’s becoming a crutch, the business partner who’s being a conniving asshole, the pushy customer who keeps demanding discounts, freebies and a whole lot more love, time, input, output for a whole lot less (by the way, their disrespect for the value in what you offer has no bearing on your worth).

Walking away. Mmm. Like I said, liberating. But, to get to freedom, you have to walk through the fire, away from the things that bring you chronic pain. And that can hurt like hell. A relatively short-lived hell, yes. But brutally intense.

D’you know why it hurts like hell?

Because it has to. You’re burning off layers and layers of suffering that you’ve worn like a second skin. You’re declaring: I deserve better (you do). I’m not doing this anymore (good for you). I’m not tolerating this anymore (high fucking five). I’M DONE WITH THIS (the angels are applauding). And you know what that means, right? Detox. Deep cleanse. Purge. In other words, agony.

Expansion is almost always preceded by a necessary contraction. Twitter Bird Icon: Neshika's Tweetable

And while you’re clenching your way through the contraction, it’s soooo tempting to run back. Away from the sharp pain of purification and growth. Right back to the old and oddly comforting ache you’re used to.

Before you run back, consider this:

You’re choosing to walk away. Or, put differently, you’re walking towards something infinitely lighter, freer and more fulfilling. Essentially, you’re devoting yourself to the most important pilgrimage of your life: the journey to the luminous heart of YOU. The deeper you go, the lighter you’ll feel. Because, you know, light likes to keep things… light. You’ll have less use, space and tolerance for every kind of heavy and unhealthy. So you’ll burn it in the fire. And that’s good. Because when you emerge from the flames, you’re going to be so full of reverence for your Self and your life. You’re going to say yes to joy, yes to your Soul, yes to more of what nourishes you, more often.

In fact, you already are. Keep going. You’re almost through the blaze. And to brave the last licks of pain, your mantra of choice is this…


I’m choosing to walk away.
I’m choosing ME, my life, my light.
And this pain? This pain is preparing me to shine.


Say it with me:

I’m choosing to walk away.
I’m choosing ME, my life, my light.
And this pain? This pain is preparing me to shine.

It doesn’t mean you ignore the pain or affirm your way out of it. No. No. No. Feel it. Feel the rawness. Feel the sadness. Feel the fear. And underneath it, feel your courage, your strength, your resolve to burn heavy and be light.

Cry. Pray. Sleep. Cry. Pray. Sleep. Hydrate. Eat clean. Lean on the ones you love.
Whatever you do, keep your feet in the fire. Trust me, you can stand the heat.
You’re on the verge of a miracle. Don’t leave before it happens. Twitter Bird Icon: Neshika's Tweetable

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