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What’s Your Relationship To Your Circumstances?

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It’s easy to settle, to quit, to feel like you have no options when you’re sprawled face-down at rock-bottom. Right now, I’m grappling with this myself – having quit our jobs in pursuit of balance and to follow our hearts, my hubby and I are facing the realities of what that means: having to downsize our lifestyle, our possessions, our spending, our everything, in order to pursue the life we want to live going forward.

Checking Myself

Lately, I catch myself thinking all sorts of awful, doubtful, hurtful thoughts: We made a terrible mistake. We’re dead broke and I’m so tired of it, maybe I should just go and find a job like everyone else. I’ll never make enough money to support the lifestyle I’d love to have. I’m a failure. I’ll never succeed at building this incredible empire that I envision in my head. What if it doesn’t work out? How will we recover? What will our friends and family think? What are they already thinking?

Sitting with deep guilt and shame at having to ask for help and at not being as successful as I would have liked to be right now, and being so consumed by self-judgement, it took a 10-minute conversation with a dear friend and fellow coach to snap out of this victim act and remind myself that actually, that’s my pride and ego talking. That actually (and with utmost respect), who gives a shit what anyone else thinks? That actually, the evil gremlins in my head can burn in hell. Yes, our current circumstances are a little less than ideal. We’ve made what some may call crazy, risky, unthinkable decisions. Right now, we have nothing but a vision of what our life will be and a long, possibly challenging road to get there. But what a magnificent vision it is. And when I think about it, would I want to forsake it so my pride and ego can be cushy in their mediocrity? Sometimes, I think I would. But those are the times when despair has taken centre stage and I’m feeling like there are no solutions or opportunities to get us out of this pickle. And those are the times when I force myself to ask: “Is that the absolute truth?”

At the end of the day, it’s My life. My happiness. My rules.

Lying here at the bottom, feeling like “the dream” is a hopeless cause, that all my efforts have been a waste, and that I should give it up and go find whatever day job I can just to pay the bills, it’s starting to dawn on me that I’m focussing my energy in the wrong place. There’s always a choice – I share this with my clients all the time. It shouldn’t be any different for me. And it sure as hell isn’t any different for you either.

We choose the relationship we have to our circumstances. We choose to quit or we choose to commit. We choose to worry about what other people think or we choose to let go of our pride. We choose to fixate on what’s not working or we choose to focus on how to fix it.

Either we choose to follow our dreams or we get hired to pursue someone else’s.

Lying here at the bottom is a choice.

If you’re lying face-down at the feet of your own bleak reality, that’s your choice too. The longer you stay down, the heavier your head becomes and the less likely you will be to notice the opportunities that are hovering just above you. Because they’re up there, where life exists. Not down here where we are now.

Everything you’ve lost is already gone, fallen into the darkness at the bottom of the pit. There’s nothing down here for you anymore. And while it’s perfectly natural to mourn your loss, mourning can quickly morph into wallowing. At some point you have to decide: either you continue to wallow down here in the nothingness or you turn your gaze upwards, figure out how the hell you’re going to climb up and out, and step into your light – your life.

The choice is always yours.

And it starts by consciously designing your relationship to your circumstances.
What would that look like for you?

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